Once In a Lifetime

 

“Dude, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“The only thing that’s truly ‘once in a lifetime’ is dying.”

“What about CPR?”

“Well…”

“Or Defribills?”

“What?”

“Those electric paddle things.”

“Defibrillators, moron.”

“Whatever, dude. They still bring people back. So they die, like, twice.”

“Okay. Point taken.”

“Or more. Sometimes they have, like, twelve heart attacks.”

“No. They really don’t. Fine. Actual death is the only ‘once in a lifetime’ thing. The end. Leave me alone.”

“What about vampires?”

“They’re dead.”

“Not really. They rise again. They’re sort of alive. They talk and think and eat.”

“But…”

“And zombies. They’re sort of living. They… Well, not sure if they think much but they walk and eat.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Who’s the moron now?”

“You. It’s still you. And I’m still not going out with her.”

“You’re missing a once in a…”

“Argh!”

 

 

This is part of a weekly writing prompt hosted by Sacha Black.

Writespiration #58 Prompt: Dialogue (Write a story using only dialogue) 

Hunger

 

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“You have to… You know…”

“What?”

Martin cringed. “Cut its head off.”

“Huh. Well that’s…” Jill squinted at the body. “Can’t we just bury it?”

“Nah, it’ll rise again.”

Jill thought about this. “So would it be a zombie?”

“No,” Martin said. Then, “Actually, I’m not sure.” He pulled out his phone. “I’ll Google it.”

“Cool.”

“Okay, here’s something. It says… Wait. Is this thing dead? I mean, again?”

Jill jumped away from the corpse. “I just assumed.”

“I think it is,” Martin stepped closer. “Looks dead. But I guess it would.” He glanced at his phone. “These sites are a mess. None agree on what will actually kill it. Look, I really think we should cut off the head.”

“With what?”

“Good point. I’ll ask Siri.” He stuck his face in front of the screen. “How do you cut off a vampire’s head? Argh! Hold on. She’s finding me places to get tire treads.”

“Any pictures of Edward yet?” Jill peeked over his shoulder. “Ooh…sparkly!”

“You know what, Siri?! Go f…”

“Don’t yell at her! She’s like an all-powerful genie. ‘Phenomenal cosmic powers. Itty-bitty living space‘.” She wiped a tear. “Aw, man, I loved Robin Williams.”

“Huh?”

“Disney? Aladdin?” She rolled her eyes. “The Genie!”

“Oh. Right, right,” Martin sniffed. “Yeah, Robin was great. Okay. Google it is then.”

As she waited, Jill rummaged through the cabinets. “What about garlic? It’ll buy us some time at least, won’t it?”

“Sure, sure. Do we have any?”

“We have, um, cloves, anise, mint, tons of salt, and…camomile.” She laughed. “We can make it herbal tea and calm it to death. Hey,” she grabbed a bottle, “who has anise?”

“We do, apparently.”

“What do we use it for?”

“No idea. Is there any garlic?”

“Nope. Sorry.” Jill unscrewed the lid and sniffed the mint. “Mmm. Minty.”

“You’re making me hungry.”

 

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude but are you two drunk? Because I don’t drink. Alcohol, I mean.” The vampire licked its teeth.

 

 

#Blogbattle is a weekly writing prompt for flash/short stories hosted by Rachael Ritchey 

Week 26 Prompt: Head
Genre: Humor

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