Bitter, Cold

 

I loved him with a brutal intensity.

I often wrapped my arms around my chest as one might do on a winter’s morning when frost has formed where soft dew should be.

The strength of my emotions hurt, and I hugged myself to add pressure, like pressing on a wound to stop the bleeding.

Without warning, that love froze. Cold seeped into my heart and, even in summer, I could never stay warm.

 

The shallow pond, only partly covered in ice, lets me slip into its frigid, watery grave. As I do, I wonder what will happen in spring.

 

 

Flash Fiction Challenge over at Carrot Ranch

November 4, 2015 prompt: Frozen – In 99 words (no more, no less) write a frozen story. Is the weather the source of freezing or is a character frozen by emotion or lack of it? It can also be a moment frozen in time. What does it reveal?

 

Sarah Brentyn Reef 99 Words - sig

 

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19 thoughts on “Bitter, Cold

    • Haha! I feel like a naughty little kid. “Made you curse!” 😈

      Don’t be sorry. This is The Reef. There are very few rules at The Reef. (One of the reasons I love it so much.) Also, thank you for the comment. It’s a hell of a good compliment. I’ll take it!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Chilling! A wonderful way to layer your Two Lines and expand to 99 words. I love how you worded: “when frost has formed where soft dew should be.” It flows so beautifully and the whole piece reminds me of a frozen Ophelia.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Your opening sentence sets the tone for the remainder of the story – “brutal intensity”. That cold seeped into your heart and, even in summer, you could never stay warm (I was going to say is very chilling) is very emotive. I feel the frostiness of the relationship and the sadness of it all. Your final paragraph is very sad, like pleading, “Will you love me when I’m gone?”
    I’m not sure if my interpretation matches your intention, but I enjoyed it anyway. Great flash.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Norah. ❤ I'm so happy you felt this. I'm never certain with these types of pieces… I'm no poet so this language is a challenge–especially in 99 words. (But I love a challenge.) I think the sudden freezing of her heart and the final giving up are whatever the reader interprets them as. Which is the beauty of having you lovely readers. 😉 Much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sarah that was beautiful. First and last lines were fantastic and you took us through a whole gammut of emotions inbetween. You really took us through how she felt before she suicided. I don’t know the artist Waterhouse but I certainly have John Everett Millais’ Ophelia come to mind on reading this. His model for the painting nearly died herself due to the pneumonia she got as a result of lying in a bath tub of water for a long time whilst posing for the painting. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m chilled and haunted to my bones… Your last paragraph was so daunting, but I liked the way you ended it, “As I do, I wonder what will happen in spring.” You’ve left the reader some choices on how they want to see this sad story end. Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Frozen « Carrot Ranch Communications

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