Following a four month separation, Princess Melody filed for divorce last week. Melody is confident about her decision. “I have no doubts,” she told reporters.
“These legs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be,” she said. “And these feet! Ugh. I have yet to find a pair of comfortable shoes and I simply cannot keep up with my toenails. They’re nasty. I’m paying for pedicures every other week!”
According to the princess, things have not been going well for a while. “The prince may be handsome and I appreciate him helping me get my voice back but he’s dumb as a barnacle. I haven’t had an intelligent conversation since I left the ocean,” she sighed. “Oh, and don’t get me started on the chef! He is still serving seafood for dinner!”
The prince is confused by Melody’s choice to end their marriage. “I divorced that regular girl and married Mel ‘cause she was cool, you know? She gave up her voice and her fin thing for me and now she wants to leave? Weird.” When asked if he planned to contest the divorce, the Prince answered, “Hey, I didn’t know there was a contest. What do I get if I win?”
Melody has discussed the situation with her dolphin friend, Fredric, who is now in negotiation with the sea witch for a potion that will allow Melody to become a mermaid once more. “That,” she said, “would be my ‘Happily Ever After’.”
This is part of a weekly writing prompt hosted by Sacha Black.
Writespiration #59 Prompt: Pick a Fairy Tale. What happened after ‘Happily Ever After’?
Nailed it; I bet, with you at the pen, Rapunzel would be in for a hair trim, quick sharp!
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At the very least, a braid. Maybe a perm. Who am I kidding… She’d have a short haircut (spiked and dyed bright pink).
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Perfect. Repugnantzel the punk princess.
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Now you’ve done it. I might have to write that one…
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Ten percent of the profits will be fine.
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I’d gladly read that.
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Thanks for the laugh this morning. This is wonderful.
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Glad you had a laugh to start your day. Thank you. 🙂
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A wonderful twist on a fairy tale, infusing reality with a large dose of humor.
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Thanks! These are super fun to write.
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Oh! Great prompt! I’ll have to accept this challenge too! I love where you took this. It would actually be a great adult parody novel! I would read it.
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I hope you do. Sacha’s Writespirations are so fun. It’s a weekly prompt but you can write them whenever you feel like it — don’t have to do it every week.
Aww…thank you! I used to write stories like this for Grimm Report but the site isn’t active anymore. Also, Eric Wilder has a book of Fairy Tale satire called I, Humpty. 🙂
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Awesome! I’ll have to check those out!
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This is bloody wicked. The toenails comment had me roaring! And I have to say, the feminist in me ADORED the fact princey boy was thick as sh*t!! Melody 1 – Prince – 0 ❤ YES!
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Yeah, he’s pretty thick. Don’t know how long I could live with that. Well, that and toenails. Eew… I’d rather have scales, too. Less upkeep. 😉
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Gorgeous, Sarah. Thanks for the link. I’m a bit (further) behind this week. I especially love the Prince’s question about the contest – brilliant! I don’t blame Princess Melody for wanting to ditch him. She certainly wasn’t taken in by what he had upstairs!
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Ha! You’re right. She’s one smart princess. ❤️ Thanks.
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Romance makes you punny, Sarah! I can understand the mermaid’s disappointment to discover the Prince’s low intellect. She’s making a good decision to take care of herself.
And grear job of distilling this down to 99 words!
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Hmm… I guess it does. I’ve never really tried it. It’s REALLY not my thing. Thank you! (Still serving up her kin for dinner? Really?)
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